Skip to main content

Just how big is Donald Trump's penis?

This election cycle has been the absolute most bizarre spectacle I've ever witnessed in my 32 years on this earth -- and I've lived through Ross Perot's attempts at running for POTUS. What makes this 2016 race for the White House most bizarre is the presence of none other than Donald Trump -- The Donald, icon of 1980's Reaganomics, former hubby of Ivana Trump, former host of a ridiculously popular reality show on NBC, etc., etc., etc., and so forth. He's become one of the most widely watched (both loved and hated) candidates over the past few months, and with every inch of publicity he gets while running for President of the United States, his comments get more and more outrageous. Most recently, he publicly insinuated that he has a large penis during a live Republican presidential debate.


To be specific, Donald Trump appeared to defend the size of his penis in response to comments made by fellow presidential hopeful Marco Rubio -- who made a comment about Trump having small hands. Rubio made a low-blow at Trump, referring to the age-old saying: You know what they say about men with small hands...

During the live presidential debate, Trump directly addressed Rubio's jab:

"I have to say this: He hit my hands. No one has ever hit my hands. Look at those hands, are those small hands? And he referred to my hands as if they're small, something else may be small. I guarantee to you there's no problem, I guarantee!" 

So basically the current Republican battle to become 2016's presidential nominee has devolved (as if it could any further) to pretty much a dick-showing contest. This isn't the first time Donald has referred to the size of his junk. Back in 2012 he made a comment toward famed attorney Gloria Allred insinuating that he would "impress" her with the size of his penis. So that's at least twice in the past four to five years that the man has bragged about his size. What gives?

 Anyway, now everyone is fixated on Donald Trump's penis. Is it big? Is it small? Does it curve to the right and have a bad comb-over? Since nobody has any photographic proof of its existence, I decided to take a stab at guessing the size using good old-fashioned research.

The average penis size, globally, is approximately 5.5 inches. In the United States, the average junk size is around 5.1 inches. In the United Kingdom, the average penis size is 5.5 inches (matching the global average size). In Germany, however, the average size of a man's dick runs around 5.7 inches. Donald Trump was born in the United States. However, his mother was from Scotland, and his father's side of the family came to the U.S. from Germany. So, if Donald Trump shared the same attributes as the average man from either the UK or Germany, his penis could probably be somewhere in the range of 5.5 to 5.7 inches. However, he could be a bit larger than this, if gauging on an "average" man's anatomy. In Scotland, the average penis size is approximately 5.8 inches -- just a bit larger than the average German man. In fact, a report by The Daily Record in 2012 shares that Scottish men tend to be quite well-endowed. Doctors from Western General Hospital in (of course) Scotland conducted a study and determined that Scottish men are among the most well-endowed on average, globally. It's also been indicated that people from New York tend to have smaller penises in general, compared to people from other U.S. states. Of course, there are conflicting studies, which can only really seem to indicate that there is not really such a thing as "average" when it comes to dicks.

The above-cited "averages" only seem to address the length of the penis, and for all we know, Donald Trump could be referring to the girth of his member while defending its size. This report claims that the average girth-size of a penis is approximately four to five inches in circumference while erect. However, Live Science reports that the average measurement lands somewhere around 4.8 inches when erect. To add to these statistics, in case anyone is interested, the largest penis on record was about 13.5 inches and belongs to Jonah Cardeli Falcon. The world's smallest penis has measured in at under an inch with an erection.

So we know that Trump's penis is probably between 1 and 13 inches -- around 5.7-6 inches if he's an average man of Scottish and German heritage. With his narcissistic personality, we can probably safely say that we'd all know by know, with possible photos, if his penis was a world record breaker. So let's scratch that off the list of possibilities.

Donald Trump definitely doesn't have a 13.5+ inch penis. Moving on.

Donald Trump has been married a number of times -- every time to beautiful, younger women from foreign countries, except for one (Marla Maples). He's also been divorced from these women, for various reasons. With him being such an economic success story, one cannot gauge his marital issues on whether or not he has a large penis. He could have the smallest penis on the planet and still get babes from all over the world because he's richer than shit. The divorces, on the other hand...

One could take into consideration that Donald Trump's notorious display of bravado could be a form of overcompensation. He's brash, he's outspoken (to a fault) and he carries himself with an air of ultimate superiority -- as if he's packing a nine-incher -- but that nine-incher could all be in his head, a phantom phallus to compensate for his actual penis size -- whatever it may be. Maybe it's short and fat, which isn't always a bad thing. I imagine it's chubby, with a patch of graying red hair. The skin, I imagine, is pink and squishy. But is it short and stubby, or long and as impressive as he's repeatedly claimed?

Hustler Magazine's Larry Flynt wants Donald Trump to prove to us all that he has an impressive penis. With Trump being a showman, a narcissist and someone with virtually no filter whatsoever, it doesn't seem completely out of the realm of possibility that he could take Flynt up on that challenge. However, this may turn out to be the one line that Trump won't cross after making an ass of himself in the public arena so many numerous times. I for one hope that he does take Larry Flynt up on his challenge so this mystery can be solved once and for all.

How big do you think Donald Trump's dong is? Sound off in the comments section!

Comments